Great Indian Management

TIPS! SMS ShortCuts.......!!

1dRfl - wonderful
2 - to/too/two
2dA - today
2moro - tomorrow
2nite - tonite
3dom - freedom
4 - for
4get - forget
4N - foreign
ADN - any day now
AFAIK - as far as I know
AFAIR - as far as I recall
ASAP - as soon as possible
ATM - at the moment
B - be
B4 - before
B4N - bye for now
BB - bye-bye
Bf -boyfriend
BG - big grin
BION - believe it or not
BK - big kiss
BTDT - been there, done that
BTW - by the way
By - busy
C - see/sea
CB - call back
CUL - see you later
CWYL - chat with you later
DUZ - does
DUZNT - doesn't
F2F - free to talk?
G2G - got to go
Gf - girlfried
Gr8 - great
Grr - angry
H2 - how to
HUH - have you heard?
IC - I see
ICCL - I couldn't care less
IK - I know
ILU (or ILY) - I love you
in4ml - informal
KISS - keep it simple, stupid
KUTGW - keep up the good work
@ "At"
MSG "Message"
W "With"
ATB "All the best"
NE "Any"
W/O "Without"
B "Be, Bee"
NETHNG "Anything"
WKND "Weekend"
BCNU "I'll be seeing you"
NE1 "Anyone"
XLNT "Excellent"
BWD "Backward"
NO1 "No-one"
XOXOX "Hugs and kisses"
B4 "Before"
OIC "Oh, I see"
YR "Your"
C "See, Sea"
PCM "Please call me"
1 "One, Won"
CU "See you"
PLS "Please"
2 "Too, To, Two"
DOIN "Doing"
PPL "People"


:) Original smiley
:-) Classic smiley
;-) Wink
:-)) Very happy
|-) Hee-hee
:-D Laugh loud
:-o Amazement
:^D" Great! I like it!
:-* Kiss
<3 I love you
:-s Confusion
{} No comment
:-C Totally unbelievable
:-X Big wet kiss
:-9 Licking lips
%-) Confused
*:* Fuzzy face
:-@ Screaming
:-7 Wry remark
:-p Sticking out tongue
:-( Frown
:> Develish grin
(:-|K- Dressed to kill
:-|| Angry
::=)) Seeing double
:-> Hey
|:-0 No explanation
#:-) Hair in a mess
>;-(' I am spitting mad
#-) Partied all night
:-| Hmmm
:-& Tongue-tied
L8 - late
L8r - later
LMK - let me know
M8 - mate
MOF - matter of fact
MT - empty
MTE - my thoughts exactly
NAGI - not a good idea
Ne - any
Ne1 - anyone
No1 - no one
nrg - energy
OIC - Oh I see
OK - okay
ONNA - oh no, not again!
OTT- over the top
PCM - please call me
Pls - please
Ppl - people
PTL - praise the Lord
R - are
Re - regarding
RUOK - are you okay?
Spk - speak
Sry - sorry
SWAK - sealed with a kiss
THX - thanks
TTYL - talk to you later
TXT - text
U - you
U@ - you at? (where are you?)
UOK - you okay?
UR - your/you're
Usu - usually
W8 - wait
W84M - wait for me
W/ - with
Wan2 - want to
wn - when
WMF - works for me
XLNT - excellent
Y - why
YM - you mean
YR - yeah, right
GONNA "Going to"
SUM1 "Someone"
3SUM "Threesome"
GR8 "Great"
STRA "Stray"
4 "For, Four"
H8 "Hate"
THNQ "Thank you"
:-) "I'm happy"
L8 "Late"
THX "Thanks"
:-o "I'm surprised"
L8R "Later"
U "You"
:-( "Sad face"
LUV "Love"
UR "You are "
d:) "Baseball cap "
MOB "Mobile"
WAN2 "Want to?"
;-/ "Confused"
2DAY "Today"
F2T "Free to talk"
RUOK "Are you okay?"
2MORO "Tomorrow"
FWD "Forward"
RGDS "Regards"


(:-... Heart-broken
%-) I'm tipsy but happy
#:-o Oh no!
:-# My lips are sealed
8-) Sender wears glasses
:+( I'm hurt by that
:*)? Are you drunk?
<:-0 Eeek!
:-e I'm disappointed
(-: Sender is left-handed
<:-) Dumb question
~o~ Bird
:@ Ouch!
:-(*) Sick comment
(:-) Bald
:// Frustrated
:3-< Dog
d:-) Hats off to your great idea
:-$ Put your money where your mouth is
:-{) Sender has moustache
|-| Going to sleep
:@) Pig
\o/ Praise the Lord
*<:o) Clown
:-{)} Sender has moustache & beard
:=8) Baboon
8^ Chicken
~#:-( Bad hair day
:'-( I am crying
:*) I' tipsy
:-o Oh
O:-) Innocent
&:-) Sender has curly hair

********** SOFTWARE ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE **********

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. 


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1.  You can stare at any Girl

2.  You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life

3.  You won't have to waste paper writing love letters, No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place

4.  You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them

5.  You won't have to see boring love stories instead of sports

6.  You won't have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less

7.  You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her

8.  You won't have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks

9.  No nonstop nonsense

10.  You won't have drown in the pool of her tears

11.  No tension

12.  You don't have to spend money on her

13.  You can be "urself" 

14.  You won't have to hide your telephone bills

15.  You won't get boring result in ur board papers

16.  No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing

17.  If u doesn't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u

18.  Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy

19.  This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring

20.  You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u

21.  Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according your wishes anymore

Men always have better friends....

Men always have better friends....

They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!

Here's an example:-

 
 
Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.
 
So she tells her husband the very next morning,
 
that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
 
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and
 
none of them confirmed that she was with them.


 
Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.
 
So he tells his wife the very next morning,
 
that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
 
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that
 
he stayed at their apartments that night and
 
another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

ME and MY BOSS……………

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough,

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative.

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview,
when my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked,

When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

Bugatti Veyron - 2009 (World's Most Expensive Car)

India in coming years

Are you frustrated with your boss?

1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it "Boss"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?

NICE TO KNOW THIS

1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!

2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.

5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.

7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.

10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14. 4 calories per hour by breathing.

18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot,left foot...

20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.

21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

22. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch and make it look=20 like it's smiling.

23. The color blue can have a calming affect on people.

24. Depending upon the shade, the brain may send up to 11 tranquilizing chemicals to calm the body

25. Leonardo da Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. Now we know why his pictures were exquisite!!

26. Names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).

27. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and parrot.

28. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

29. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age

30. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

31. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

32. All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses; some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public.

33. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

34. Raw cashews are poisonous and must be roasted before.

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer 

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems,  which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.                                                  

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run'   he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
                                                                 
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find    only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button,  but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not   even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
                                                                 
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
                                                                 
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide   'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my  office hours.
                                                               
Regards,
                                                                 
Banta
                                                           
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

TEST YOUR GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

1. What is the expansion ( Full Form ) of YAHOO?

Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle

2. What is the expansion ( Full Form ) of ADIDAS?

ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports

3. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?

Satellite Television Asian Region

4. What is expansion of "ICICI?"

Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India

5. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?

That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.

6. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?

Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is our 's National

anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla )

7. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?

Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.

8. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?

Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa

9. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?

South Korea

10. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?

Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)

11. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?

Geoffrey Boycott

12. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?

John Traicos

13. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country (other than Vatican )?

Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..

14. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?

. Polo.

 

How to identify cities in India

 

Scene 1

 

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a

 

fourth and they start arguing about who's right. You are in
Kolkata

Scene 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them

 

and walks on. That's Mumbai

Scene 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to

 

make peace.The first two get together & beat him up. That's
Delhi

 

Scene 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes

 

along and quietly opens a chai-stall That's Ahmedabad .

 

 

Scene 5

 

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a
software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't
stop b'cos of a bug in the program. That's Bangalore

Scene 6

 

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes
along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this
nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.

Scene 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton
of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each
other and all go home being friends. You are in Goa

Scene 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call
their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are
DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB